In this expert session, Rose Ayeung Chen shares insights into two models for managing relationships: the donut and the cinnamon bun. The donut model prioritizes individuals within one's circle of trust, providing temporary relief when feeling overwhelmed but leading to a narrow world. In contrast, the cinnamon bun model requires more effort but offers long-term benefits by enabling connections with various layers of people.
Chen introduces the idea of "expired eggs," representing toxic relationships that can drain energy and make it essential to recognize which connections recharge us. She emphasizes the importance of mindfulness when dealing with such relationships, as personalization often acts as a barrier preventing deeper social connections.
Furthermore, Chen discusses the scenario where someone does not receive a prompt response from a friend or family member and encourages participants to consider other possibilities before jumping to negative conclusions. She advises taking into account that sometimes situations are not about us.
Another common barrier she introduces is ignoring timing and tolerance levels. People often rush to share their thoughts without considering if it's the best time for the recipient, who may have different tolerance levels based on life experiences. Chen advises being mindful of one's urgency and evaluating whether the timing is right before engaging in potentially uncomfortable conversations.
Lastly, Chen discusses reassurance seeking as her favorite barrier, which involves excessive apologizing to make things okay or avoid potential conflicts. She highlights that while it may seem respectful, excessive apologizing can create unnecessary tension. Instead, she advises giving situations time and considering the impact on oneself and others before reacting with an apology.
Throughout the session, Chen encourages participants to reflect on which barriers they frequently encounter. The practical next steps involve addressing loneliness by maintaining various layers of connections while being mindful of common barriers. She ends the session by emphasizing the importance of investing in one's own well-being and encouraging everyone to take small steps towards connecting with people and building stronger relationships, even if it takes time.
Finally, Chen discusses the benefits of practicing gratitude. According to her research, focusing on what we are grateful for leads to better mental health and overall well-being. She encourages participants to write down things they are grateful for and reflect on interactions that left a positive impact. She emphasizes that sharing gratitude with others further enhances its impact.
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Rose Auyeung-Chen
Building Connections And Well-being
Rose specialises in mood disorders, vocational rehabilitation, crisis intervention, self-harm, emotion regulation, stress management, and conflict resolution. She is trained in Dialectical Behavioural Therapy as well as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. She is currently working in her private practice as well as a Clinical Counsellor at the BC Occupational Stress Injury Clinic treating persistent psychological difficulty resulting from operational duties performed during military or RCMP service. She also worked at Vancouver General Hospital’s Mental Health and Substance Use Outpatient Services for eight years providing group and individual therapy for a variety of mental health conditions. She is also a TEDx speaker and has over ten years of experience working with children and youth.
Summary
Clinical Psychotherapy Counsellor |Mental Health Therapist
Key Learnings
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Overcoming Relationship Barriers: Recognizing common barriers like personalization, timing and tolerance levels, and reassurance seeking is key to improving and maintaining healthy relationships.
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Cultivating Gratitude: Practicing gratitude by focusing on positive experiences, expressing appreciation, and reflecting on interactions can lead to better mental health and stronger connections with others.
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Building Stronger Relationships: Maintaining various layers of connections, considering the timing and impact of conversations, and avoiding excessive apologizing are essential practices for building and nurturing lasting relationships.
Interaction
During the expert session, Rose Ayeung Chen engages the audience through interactive exercises using the Mentimeter app, a live Q&A session, and discussions on managing relationships and overcoming common barriers. She introduces concepts like "expired eggs" and the donut and cinnamon bun models while encouraging reflection on personal experiences and addressing common relationship challenges. Additionally, Chen emphasizes the importance of practicing gratitude for improved well-being and deeper human connections.
Key Learnings
-
Overcoming Relationship Barriers: Recognizing common barriers like personalization, timing and tolerance levels, and reassurance seeking is key to improving and maintaining healthy relationships.
-
Cultivating Gratitude: Practicing gratitude by focusing on positive experiences, expressing appreciation, and reflecting on interactions can lead to better mental health and stronger connections with others.
-
Building Stronger Relationships: Maintaining various layers of connections, considering the timing and impact of conversations, and avoiding excessive apologizing are essential practices for building and nurturing lasting relationships.
Interaction
During the expert session, Rose Ayeung Chen engages the audience through interactive exercises using the Mentimeter app, a live Q&A session, and discussions on managing relationships and overcoming common barriers. She introduces concepts like "expired eggs" and the donut and cinnamon bun models while encouraging reflection on personal experiences and addressing common relationship challenges. Additionally, Chen emphasizes the importance of practicing gratitude for improved well-being and deeper human connections.