In this expert session, Rose Auyeung-Chen shares insights into two models for managing relationships: the donut and the cinnamon bun. The donut model prioritizes individuals within one's circle of trust, providing temporary relief when feeling overwhelmed but leading to a narrow world. In contrast, the cinnamon bun model requires more effort but offers long-term benefits by enabling connections with various layers of people.
Rose then introduces the idea of "expired eggs," representing toxic relationships that can drain energy and make it essential to recognize which connections recharge us. She emphasizes the importance of mindfulness when dealing with such relationships, as personalization often acts as a barrier preventing deeper social connections.
Furthermore, Rose discusses the scenario where someone does not receive a prompt response from a friend or family member and encourages participants to consider other possibilities before jumping to negative conclusions. She advises taking into account that sometimes situations are not about us.
Another common barrier she introduces is ignoring timing and tolerance levels. People often rush to share their thoughts without considering if it's the best time for the recipient, who may have different tolerance levels based on life experiences. Rose advises being mindful of one's urgency and evaluating whether the timing is right before engaging in potentially uncomfortable conversations.
Lastly, Rose discusses reassurance seeking as her favorite barrier, which involves excessive apologizing to make things okay or avoid potential conflicts. She highlights that while it may seem respectful, excessive apologizing can create unnecessary tension. Instead, she advises giving situations time and considering the impact on oneself and others before reacting with an apology.
Throughout the session, Rose encourages participants to reflect on which barriers they frequently encounter. The practical next steps involve addressing loneliness by maintaining various layers of connections while being mindful of common barriers. She ends the session by emphasizing the importance of investing in one's own well-being and encouraging everyone to take small steps towards connecting with people and building stronger relationships, even if it takes time.
Additionally, Rose discusses the benefits of practicing gratitude. According to her research, focusing on what we are grateful for leads to better mental health and overall well-being. She encourages participants to write down things they are grateful for and reflect on interactions that left a positive impact. She emphasizes that sharing gratitude with others further enhances its impact and mentions professor Robert Emmons' research on the subject.
